If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
