so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
