I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
