I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
