I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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