i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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