it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
