Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
