So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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