Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
