My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
