4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The uberlube is also flammable
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
