Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
