So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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