Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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