sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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