Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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