the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
