If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
