I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My day in three words: secret purse cake
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
