I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
