Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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