atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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