you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
