so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
