Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
