it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
