last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
