Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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