Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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