it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
