He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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