I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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