Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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