Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
