And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
