i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
