we have officially mastered the walk of shame
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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