You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
