Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize