It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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