I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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