last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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