Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
