It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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