and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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