Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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