Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
