i think my mom watched the whole time
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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