Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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