Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
