I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
