i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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