Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
