I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
