I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
