Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
