You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
