My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
