if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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