I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
