One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
