I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Randomize
