Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Your cock deserves a montage
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
