and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's rum buckets o'clock
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
