you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I want her autograph on my taint
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
