i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
