awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
