he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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