Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
