I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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