I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
