I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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