I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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