Im at strip club and am horny
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
