I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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