I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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